Vomitting on the Curb of Leadership Square

If you think you're having a bad day, read on... you'll feel better in 5 minutes, I promise!

So, on my way to work this morning I go to Bancfirst in downtown OKC to deposit a couple checks.  After I leave the bank I'm driving down Robert S. Kerr Boulevard and without warning I vomitted.  I vomitted everywhere.  I didn't even have a chance to open the door! I happen to have my mother's car for the week, so I vomitted in HER car.  All over myself.  EVERYWHERE!

I pulled over to the side of the road, opened my door and continued to throw up on the streets of downtown OKC... on the curb of Leadership Square.  The business people walking by were, of course, stopping to watch the train wreck that was my latte in projectile regurgitation. 

In a panic I begin looking around my mother's car for a towel, t-shirt, napkin, hell I would have been thrilled to have found a Sonic hamburger wrapper... ANYTHING to wipe myself down.  But no... there was nothing that resembled anything that could be used to clean up this disgusting hot mess!!

I call into work and tell them I won't be there for a couple hours.  I drove immediately to the Red Carpet on NW Expressway right across the street from Penn Square Mall.  I rolled my window down just a bit and asked the sweet girl if I could please have a towel.  I'm sure she could smell me from the other side: Mortifying.  She slipped me a towel and I cleaned up as much as I possibly could before stepping out and leaving my waste for someone else to scrub up.  I got out and told the girl to please detail to the nth degree and apologized perfusely for what the workers were about to experience.

I handed my keys over and began my treck across NW Expressway to Penn Square Mall.  I first stopped at the Kiehl's counter and bought face wash and moisturizer.  Then I went to Pea In the Pod and bought the cutest dress and jean jacket, which of course didn't match the flats I was wearing.  So, I then went to Baker's to buy a pair of sandals... all the while probably smelling to high hell.

I go into Dillards and find the 'Family Restroom'... I washed my face, reapplied my makeup (it's a friggen miracle I had my makeup in the car), changed clothes, sat on the the little couch for a minute and took a deep breath to regain my sanity... somewhat.

THEN, I had to climb up the small moutain that separates the Penn Square parking lot from NW Expressway, wait for the bright yellow hand to turn into a white stick man who looks as though he might walk right out of the box that houses him.  I finally get the go ahead to cross without breaking some sort of jaywalking law and, of course, half way through the 6 lane freeway, oncoming traffic begins to creep my direction.  I'm the pitiful pregnant girl waddling as quickly as she possibly can in hopes that the three cars inching near her are being driven by people who actually have souls and will stop for a girl who clearly is not having a good day... which apparantly they did... have souls, I mean.

I make it back over to Red Carpet to retrieve my momma's car.  I'm in the lobby waiting for the attendant so that I may pay and get the hell on with my day.  It's eleven o'clock and i've already endured far more than I have stamina.  As I'm waiting, a gentleman in the lobby area says, "honey, you wanna sit down and get a breath?"  And I say, "no thank you, I just really want to get to my car." To which he replies, "You taking prenatal vitamins? I see you shakin' over there". 

That's when Mona appeared (Mona is my alter-ego that I acquired sometime after we conceived.  She occassionally pops out of the wood work to handle situations that I, myself, am illequipped to manage.  Jordan, unable to ignore this other whole person living inside of me (and i'm not referring to the baby) that rears her ugly head, felt obliged to name her.  Mona, short for hormonal.)

Where was I? ah, 'You takin' prenatal vitamins? I see you shakin' over there!' Mona, with her dialated pupils, heightened heart rate, and cold stare that could frighten John Wayne into submission, quickly took over.  "Sir, have you ever been pregnant?"  The man cocked his head a bit, I imagine in an attempt to figure out if he should laugh at the rhetorical question, or be offended because I'm clearly a bitch.  Mona continued "No, probably not.  I appreciate your willingness to offer me advice on prenatal care, but my child will be just fine with or without you..."  All the while she's coyly smiling which really sets off the victim who is clearly confused by Mona's inappropriate smile and kind facial expressions that are accompanying her curt verbage.  

I know, I know... I should apologize for Mona, but she is literally out of my control.

I finally get to my car, and an hour and a half after having pulled away from the bank teller, I'm walking into work.  

feel better about your day??  Glad I could be of assistance.